Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just gargled with NyQuil
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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