okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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