youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
