She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
