That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
