In the future we'll all be gay
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
