im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
