Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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