she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
