Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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