I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
