i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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