Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize