Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
