I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
