I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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