How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
should my penis look like a turkey
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize