put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
