I'm going to jail i love you
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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