EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
