And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
