She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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