The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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