You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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