I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize