Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
