Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Is Oprah even human
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
