Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
