The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
