sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize