He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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