you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
