I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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