maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
