My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
