Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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