you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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