Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize