we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
