Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
