A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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