I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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