if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
