Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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