At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
