I want to walk on stilts...naked
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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