..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
