Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
