Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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