Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
