I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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