well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We named our party play list daddy issues
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
