Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
