if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you would pick up someone in the library
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I am midnight drunk by noon
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
