need another drink. this is the easiest way
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
