she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
