How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
