I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
