just tell him i said nine months
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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