i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
