Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The air was thick with penises
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize