Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize