Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
