Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
