We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
